When I spoke of the 7 things I’m teaching my kids, one was keeping a positive attitude.

I thought I’d expand on that a bit.

1. All things equal, positive attitude wins out - if you had to choose between two job candidates, both with the same credentials, same skillset, and such, but one has the cheery, genuine I-want-to-know-you kind of smile, whom would you select?
2. All things UNequal, positive attitude wins out - or how about if one candidate is quite a bit more qualified than the other candidate, but the other is more personable, and you can tell she would work well within the team, whom would you choose? Along those lines, I tell my son that we may not be the tallest, fastest, strongest, best-looking, smartest, wittiest person — although we can certainly strive towards excellence — but how far we can get in life can depend a lot on a positive attitude.
3. Positive Attitudes Helps You Overcome Setbacks - one of the most upsetting things the older brother does is to have fits over minor setbacks, such as forgetting to write a word in an alphabetizing exercise and needing to start over. I tell him with a bad attitude that puts you in a sulky mood, unwilling to go further, how will the work get done.0
4. Positive Attitude invites compassion - I tell my son that if he has a good attitude, when he is stuck at something, I am more than happy to help, even if it’s an “easy” question (up to a point). However, I tell him, a bad attitude from him puts me in a bad mood also, and then I’m just not that open to helping.
5. Positive Attitude is Charisma - I touched on this in my D&D post, but we’ve heard the saying, “It’s not what you know, but who you know”, really refers to our charisma. Of course, we need to know something, have some skill or expertise, but charisma is what gains another person’s trust — meaning a customer or client, or employment, or cutting through some red tape, etc. Having a positive attitude is really an important component to having a strong charisma.

It’s not easy raising two rambunctious little boys, and I must admit, I sometimes lose patience with them — that’s when I take my own time-out and go read in my bedroom while their mom takes over.

But I’m hoping that constant drilling and reminders now will help them tremendously when they’re older.

Image via WikipediaI recently finished Robert Ludlum’s The Janson Directive and The Bourne Supremacy and years and years ago I read The Bourne Identity (you may recognize the names of the last two, as a trilogy of films based on the Bourne series were made, starring Matt Damon. There was also a made-for-TV movie starring Richard Chamberlain and Jacquelyn Smith — and that was how I became fascinated with memory, and why I sought out the Bourne Identity book).

If you’ve never read any Ludlum novels, here’s a short wikipedia description of his stories:

Ludlum’s novels typically featured one heroic man, or a small group of crusading individuals, in a struggle against powerful adversaries whose intentions and motivations are evil, adversaries capable of using political and economic mechanisms in frightening ways. His vision of the world was one where global corporations, shadowy military forces and government organizations all conspired to preserve (if it was evil) or undermine (if it was good) the status quo.

Having real only a few of Ludlum’s numerous titles (he actually died in 2001, and recent novels are ghostwritten off his manuscripts or notes), I can say there must be a Ludlum style, which I shall try to distill:

• Realism - a lot of what drew me into Ludlum’s novels is his depiction of the world. On the surface, his world is exactly like ours — cities and nations, economics and politics, etc. However, underneath the surface are forces we know nothing about: secret government organizations, clandestine operations, conspiracies and puppeteers who control the puppeteers who manipulate our hero, etc. The way Ludlum describes procedures and policies, weapons and tactics all seem real because of the “technobabble” he deftly uses, enabling readers to suspend their disbeliefs. (Technobabble is what we hear in sci-fi, such as Star Trek, when terms like “structural integrity field” and “Heisenberg compensator” are used to explain concepts to advance the plot). He describes operations, tactics and motives of organizations, governments and economic mechanisms such as secret bank accounts with such detail that they all seem more than plausible — it’s like we’re getting real-life lessons on how things (may) work.
• “Evil” Characters - by using the third person narrative — and a most omniscient narrator at that — we are many privy to the thoughts of major characters. As such, we learn about the motivations for them, and realize that while the characters that are “evil”, we know that they do not think of themselves as such. Rather, they have their own justifications and motivations for their actions. In D & D parlance, they tend to have an chaotic-evil alignment, meaning these antagonists see only themselves as being right, being the smart one, and that the end justifies any means needed.
• Intense Action - we are so used to the “summer blockbuster” movies, filled with special-effects, THX sound, etc. Well, Ludlum novels are also filled with action, although it’s all described in words. Car chases, hand-to-hand combat, gunfights, you-name-it it’s probably in one of his novels. Reading the sequences sends my heart pounding, and I start reading faster and faster, eager to find out what’s happening next. No wonder they’re called thrillers.
• Exotic Locations - in typical James Bond-ish style, Ludlum’s characters invariably need to travel the world, and here again, the author inserts an “in the know” travel guide for the location he uses, describing places in such detail that we can easily picture the natives, hear the foreign tongues in the markets, smell the scents, etc.
• Plot Twists - the hallmark of any good mystery thriller is its ability to keep the reader guessing. Sure, there must be clues so that we can develop their own suspicions as we read, but at the same time, we don’t want the story to be too predictable. It’s a fine balancing act, one that Ludlum seemed adept at.
• Good Guys prevail - at least so far, in the three novels that I’ve read. I know this may not happen in real life all the time, and you certainly will find less of this in the plots of foreign movies — good guy wins, gets the girl, etc., is what’s known as the “Classic Hollywood” ending — but I usually go watch movies or read books because I like to feel good at the end.

What I’ve described is certainly not limited to Ludlum novels — but for developing the Ludlum “brand” so that readers expect a certain type of story in a certain type of style, his novels certainly deliver the goods.

Jonathan Field’s recent post, Is Your High Powered Job Setting Your Kids Up To Fail, got me thinking about my own kids. He points out studies and experiments that show kids whose parents were more “present” in their lives during their formative years did better in school, and stayed out of trouble.

This post expands on my earlier post about the 7 Principles I’m Teaching My Kids.

Troubled Kids

When I hear about troubled kids, I think of any recent number of murders (or massacres) committed by a young males, and the inevitable follow up report that the perpetrators’ parents usually “had no idea”.

They had no idea.

Why is that?

Parents Must Be Responsible Parents

It’s obvious to me that what was missing was open communication between the parents and the child. A parent needs to know what’s going on in their kids’ lives out of the home. When you think about it, a young child spends approximately two-thirds of their lives at home eating, playing, doing homework, etc., and sleeping, and the remaining third at school. So, during their formative years, two-thirds of their lives are spent exposed to anything and everything they see and hear in school, on the TV, in the classroom, on the playground and on the internet under their parents’ care.

So obviously, the most influential person your people kids can (or should) ever see, talk to, and listen is you, the parent.

Open Communication is Key

This communication has to start at a very young age, and continue throughout the teen years — since I guess if you’d made it that far, communications should remain optimum during the child’s adult years.

I want that with my kids.

So what am I doing about it?

I certainly do not have a “high powered job”, but I do run my own business, and can easily (and often do) spend upwards of 70 hours per week on it.

I realize that low-income households may have (a) parent(s) who work all day, just to make ends meet. Even high-income households will have parents work all day as well, leaving their kids under the care of nannies. Both situations often means the parents are unavailable.

Attend their School Activities

For me, luckily, one of the perks I that I DO have is the ability to take a little time off to attend my children’s school activities: Halloween Costume Parades, music concerts, field trips, school plays and the like.

To see their smiles and their waving when they see me in the audience really brings a warm feeling to my heart.

I’m certain that just my presence boosts their self-esteem, validates their importance to me, and at the dinner table that particular night, the child will proudly describe what transpired. I also bring along my little point and shoot camera to take few shots or a short video. And after the dinner, we sit in front of the computer to relive their memories.

The kid is happy for the rest of the evening. And beyond.

This simple activity will form the basis for the child’s future nostalgia.

Discipline, Discussion and Decisions

I’ve also found that dinner time is a great time to go over important lessons — and the kids’ various teachers have mentioned that “what’s practiced at home is what’s practiced at school”, and of course, in life.

• Paying Attention - during dinner, the TV is OFF. I know it’s so tempting to want to be entertained while eating, and for a few years we did that since we were eating with relatives who did the cooking. But recently, we’ve started cooking for ourselves in order to eat earlier, and now that the TV off, the difference is so much more noticeable. We can talk about various topics without the kids eyes wandering off. The kids actually look at their food, and at whomever is talking.
• Discussion - the quiet also allows us to bring up topics that may have been brought up in the car ride home. Oh, a “friend” snitched about a secret you told him? How does that make you feel? Is that person trustworthy? Conversations like that allows us to broach on more abstract topics that we feel are crucial to their emotional growth.
• Decisions - the last thing that I want to mention is we can use the dinner time to make announcements, such as what we’re going to do on the weekend, or how much more attention should the kids pay to their schoolwork, etc.

I know my kids are still young yet (5th and 1st graders), but both their mom and I feel that it is SOOOO important, especially in our oh-so-complicated society, that we make sure we connect with our children at an early age. We want them to feel comfortable and that it’s safe to talk to us.

Hopefully, they’ll continue down a fruitful path, with a nudge or two from us from time to time.

Source: WikipediaToday, online social network behemoth MyFacePlace.com announced its latest Web 2.0 technology, SHIPAT has gone live.

Having been under development since the advent of segmented baked leavened flour dough, this latest in a long line of social networking applications finally comes out of theta testing after a series of missteps that saw rival companies gain market share at the expense of MyFacePlace.

Technology blog YechTech.bla predicts that a large number savvy entrepreneurs will jump on the bandwagon to take advantage of what pundits all agree will be a paradigm shift in social networking.

According to MyFacePlace spokeswoman, O. Ly Kidding, the technology is nothing short of amazing.

“Frankly, we’re shocked no one has thought of this before. There’s just something almost natural-like to meeting a person in real life, shaking their hand — it’s an intimacy that really has no rival. There’s a raw energy to the entire process that elicits comparisons to Paleolithic tribal interactions. We think the concept is going to take off in big way.”

To date MyFacePlace has released the following applications:

• SHIPAT v1.0 - Shake Hands In Person And Talk
• UTIE v2.5 - Use the Telephone Instead of always Emailing
• FOHSSIRG v3.1 - FOr Heavens sake, Shave and Shower If you want a Real Girlfriend

Investors, ebullient with the news, pushed shares of MyFacePlace stock up 256% to an all-time high of $1,024 in after hours trading.

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Happy April Fool’s Day!

My name’s Nez. And I’m a blogger.

Today I woke up early. It was something folks like me did often, especially when we’re on a case.

The calm of the early morning is the best time to think. And this case required a lot of thought.

But first, duty called.

I fired up my Quad, the familiar bong of the Mac OS interrupting the silence. Faster than any one-armed bandit, I went through my usual routine.

My agents brought me the usual suspects, mail goons who had too much askey to drink the night before. I recognized a few characters from the local RSS. A few were new, defiant, even emboldened.

I picked out the ones I wanted from the line-up, leaving the rest for processing by the disposal team. I don’t envy those guys — the cyber-sanitation engineers — dealing with the everyday deluge of bogus deals on meds and warez, get-rich-quick schemes, flesh-peddlers and spammy low-lifes. It’s a thankless job.

Anyway, the minutes flew by, and before I knew it, they arrived.

My morning visitors.

I knew it would happen — it was inevitable, living in the Pa Rent ‘hood. Their footsteps got closer, and I wheeled around, expecting the worse. Clad in colorful, polyester outfits, the two made quite a pair. One had hair that was in all directions, as if he’d just gotten out of bed. Clearly, grooming was not high on this guy’s priority list. Of course, in their line of work, it rarely was.

In a high, squeaky voice, the other one said, “Daddy, can we have the Honey Nut Cheerios today?”

“Sure, kids.” I told them.

Two minutes later, the two brothers were contently munching away on the cereal, momentarily distracted. It won’t be long before they’ll be back, though. But by that time, I’ll be ready for them.

Returning to the job at hand, I continued working on tracking down my elusive target. She had given me the slip for a couple of days, but today I was determined to find her.

It had been a long, hard chase. For a while there, it was like I was always one step behind her. But I was close. I could feel it, for she was careless. There were clues left strewn about at each crime scene: a smooth and polished comment, a snippet of idea clearly cut by a sharp wit, and several incriminating photos to boot.

But she was good, and she knew it, and she knew that I knew.

Perhaps being careless was just her way of taunting me.

But I vowed it won’t be long before I found her again.

Just then, though, in walked a pair of the finest smooth-skinned legs any bipedal organism of the female persuasion would want for locomotion. And there were other uses as well, I can assure you.

But today, any stocking-covered, stiletto-heel bearing gam-gandering was precluded by the dark cotton-blend covering of a loose-fitting pair of sweatpants. The luscious lips that belonged to the rest of the warmly dressed body parted. What followed was to the point, a point I had no trouble getting.

“Honey, I’m off to class.”

“Okay, honey. Good luck on the exam today.” I replied. I gave the wife a kiss, and she went out through the garage side door. Such a cutie.

And then, another hour passed before I could get back on the case — you know, kids. School. ‘Nuff said.

I dug out my dog-eared notebook — great for keeping track of clues — and again worked on the case, going over and over all the pieces of information I had, somehow knowing that I needed to form a puzzle without the picture on the box. That puzzle could turn out to be highly valued, revered, maybe even talked about. But I wouldn’t know until the job was done.

I agonized and thought some more. I went to the john to pay my respects and thought there, too. Then I made a cup of tea and quaffed it down like there was no tomorrow. Decaffeinated, if you must know. And green, too.

And then I found her.

She appeared right where she was the other day, when everyone was out of the pad. When I was alone.

She stood right there in all her splendid glory, dressed in some sort of ethereal, swirling, wispy thing of excuse for a dress.

This was no ordinary dame.

Unlike a cornered animal, she would not fight back. Now caught, she would willingly relinquish herself. There would be no more games.

So without a word, she drifted up to me and peered over my shoulder at the screen.

“Oh, Nez, that looks like a great post!” Muse said. “Why don’t you fix that typo…”

To be continued…?

photo credit: borderhacker

During this time of year, sports fans are usually glued to their TV’s to watch the NCAA basketball championship tourney — also called March Madness. And basically right after that comes the professional NBA Playoffs. It’s the best time to be a basketball fan.

And while I’m pleased that our local professional team (the Golden State Warriors) is in the hunt for a playoff spot, I’m writing this to talk about dealing with pressure situations, in which during this time there will be plenty.

Clutch Performers

For athletes, we often praise the ones who are “clutch”, who, with the game on the line, are able to score the winning basket from the field, be it a lay-up against the “trees” clogging the lanes to the basket, a long-ranged jump shot over the outstretched arms of two defenders, or the successful free throws amidst the howling and hooting of thousands upon thousands of rabid fans, all with only seconds left on the game clock.

Real Life Pressure Situations

But for the rest of us mere mortals, let me ask you have you ever:

• Put in an all-nighter for a term paper, and wound up getting an A?
• Made a presentation in front of investors, and aced all the hard questions, landing the big contract?
• Received the proverbial client’s curve ball — something you never expected — but kept your cool and proceeded (and succeeded) as if you expected it all along?

Those are all pressure situations where the expectation to perform and deliver is high — and it feels GREAT when you do.

People often get paid big bucks for that kind of performance, and deservedly so.

Reason for Failure

However, many people do buckle under the stress.

And the stress comes from getting into a state of mind where uncertainty, doubt and/or fear reigns:

• What if I mess up?
• I’m not prepared!!
• What’s the next step?

These and any number of other questions and thoughts run through the mind, and the subsequent failure to perform is often summarized as paralysis by analysis.

Qualities of Clutch Performers

Clutch performers, on the other hand, have these qualities:

• Confidence from Practice - no one is born perfect, and neither does intense practice make one perfect, despite the popular saying. However, what practice DOES do is train your muscles, honing their “muscle memory”, and perfect practice instills the confidence to perform perfectly, so when the time comes, the person who has practiced a lot appears to perform effortlessly. When you know you’ve done it (successfully) before (in practice), you can be confident you’ll do it again (in real game situations). That’s the reason why Michael Jordan, Jerry Rice, Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly were notorious for their intense practices/rehearsals.
• Being Prepared - basically, this is the same as confidence from practice, but it bears explaining that the best performers are always prepared. For the job seeker, it’s as simple as doing the basic research of a company at which you want to work. For the self-employed, it’s keeping apprised of what the competition in your market is doing. For the lone woman traveling at night, it’s being aware of your surroundings. Preparation also comes from real practical experience — both successes and failures. Everything you do (or choose to do) prepares you for new challenges.
• Stay in the moment and let the chips fall where they may - the confidence from practice and preparation also allows the clutch performer to stay focused in the present, allowing their minds or bodies to perform without distraction. Sometimes we hear of athletes getting into “the zone”, in which the action seems to be flowing in slow motion. My theory is that when someone is in “the zone”, that person’s mind must be operating at peak efficiency and thus is able to process all the incoming sensory stimuli, making necessary calculations, adjustments, recollections and reactions at lightning speed. The effect would seem like the outside world has suddenly slowed down.
• Know that failures are inevitable, but see them as minor setbacks on the road to their goal(s) - Michael Jordan did not always make the game-winning shot, but that never stopped him from continuously honing his game, working on eliminating his weaknesses, and maintaining confidence in himself. His sheer force of will would not allow wallowing in defeat. Clutch performers know that failure does not mean the end of the world, and in doing so, is able to move on after the occasional lapses. That awareness and acceptance also allow them to stay in the moment, and drives them to persevere.

How about you? Got any tips or stories on dealing with pressure situations?

photo credit: *tom*

Blogging everyday
Reading, writing, commenting
A lot of hard work

photo credit: quas

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I’m going to do a short review on the Artemis Fowl series of novels.

A New Take on a Popular Myth

Author Eoin Colfer has a wonderfully creative take on the world of leprechauns, sprites and pixies. In this series of novels, he mixes both magic and technology — beings living deep underground who have magical powers, as well as ultra-advanced computers technology and cool gadgets galore.

The Kid Factor

Throw into the fray a 12-year old boy, Artemis Fowl II — an evil genius in his own words — who uncovers the secrets of this hidden world, and you get a fun series that should delight a lot of readers, both young and old (assuming you like fantasy or science fiction). The use of a protagonist who’s not all on the up-and-up is a little different from norm, but we’re used to lovable rogues like Han Solo, or the vigilante Batman.

Action and Thrills

Artemis is aided in his exploits by his more than able-bodied bodyguard, Butler. And then there’s the true action-heroine, Captain Holly Short, a female elf who is a member of the LEPrecon — Lower Elements Police Reconnaissance — who’s a bit cocky, but has a “good head on her shoulders” as they cliché goes.

And because Artemis is not without his faults, Captain Holly puts him to the test, challenging his schemes and intellect, and teaching him some important life lessons in the process. And so throughout the series young Artemis slowly begins to change, to grow (up) and actually become “good”, even hero-like in his own ways.

The two characters butt heads in the first novel — in fact he captures her, but in subsequent novels, the two often team up, at first reluctantly, but later willingly.

Explaining Leprechauns

Colfer’s explanation for the existence of elves, trolls and other “fantasy” creatures, known in the series as “fairies”, is that they were driven underground by man ages ago, and today mostly live the underground metropolis called Haven. The LEPrecon forces are responsible for tracking fairies who accidentally or intentionally meet with humans, and wiping those humans’ memories. At their disposal are stealth technology to mask their comings and goings between the two worlds, advanced surveillance equipment and communications with Foaly, a centaur who the super-geeky IT guy of the underworld. Certain races, including the elves, have their own magic that can also be called upon.

Of course, we wouldn’t have a series if there weren’t any bad elements, both above and underground. Threats of exposure, harm to either worlds, and some very human subplots all make for very enjoyable yarns.

It’s not heavy reading in any sense of the phrase, but all in all, the Artemis Fowl novels is still a fun series — easy to digest for younger readers, and offering some care-free fun for the rest of us.

photo credit: furiousgeorge81

A couple of years ago, a friend bought one of my kids a toy bowling set. They took to it immediately and played and played with it. However, it wasn’t long before we noticed cracks developing in some of the pins.

Sure enough, at one point, one of the pins broke into several pieces after a particularly “intense” frame. I could only surmise that cheap, brittle plastic was used in the set’s construction. No doubt the toy was bought at one of those “5 and dime” stores (inflation has turned them into dollar stores).

Looking for Bargains

I’m not against being frugal — it used to be that I was always on the look-out for bargains. But, especially after that experience, and being self-employed for the last few years, I am more acutely aware that there is a lot behind the final product or service we see in ads or stores.

To Get Products to the Stores

Now, whenever I see a product — whether it’s a toy, or a piece of furniture, or even a car — I also see it as something that has undergone a production and distribution cycle that include things like conceptualization, resource acquisition, creation, distribution, marketing and customer service. (I apply the same evaluation for services: painting, roofing, landscaping, etc.)

Costs are Incurred at Every Step

I then think about the price in terms of the wholesale costs for each of these steps:

• conceptualization - paying designers, engineers, inventors, research and development, etc.
• resource acquisition - paying for, and growing and harvesting raw materials, digging them out of the ground, refinining etc.
• creation - the actual process of construction, through labor and/or machines, all of which must be paid for
• distribution - packaging, shipping, trucking, etc.
• customer service - retail services, warranties, repairs and replacements, etc.
• support infrastructure - all the buildings, administrative staff, insurance, etc., needed to run each of the above “components”

Economies of Scale

I also take into account whether the item is mass produced, or whether the service is provided by a local small business — since materials or services do not come cheap on a single unit basis — in order to see if product is (seemingly) affordable, or worth what is being charged.

When a Bargain is Not Really a Bargain

However, when I see a product that is too cheap, then I have to assume one or more of the following must be true:

1. Outsourced manufacturing - The product is produced overseas, where wages are much lower, and worker treatment may be substandard or abusive, such as sweat shops
2. Remainders - the product is being dumped, sold at a loss because it couldn’t be sold otherwise. No one really wants it because it’s a piece of junk
3. Product Sold at a Loss - a strategy to gain market share, stifle competition, etc., like what Microsoft is doing with the Xbox 360
4. Short-sighted Management - product is manufactured with profit as the only motive — people and resources are unduly exploited for short term gain, perhaps a disregard for health and environment, etc.
5. Product is made of shoddy material, or with materials that might be unsafe - lower grade ore, cheaper plastics carcinogenic paints, leaded materials, less robust circuits, etc.
6. Product is unreliable - poorly designed components, mediorcre workmanship, and such can result in an inferior product like a cheap PC, or a car that’s a “lemon”

If it’s a service, then I have to consider whether or not the person offering the service is executing sound business practices. If the price is too low, he or she may be subsidizing the service with income from a full-time job. If there is no other job, then I would wonder whether this particular small business will be around in a year or two.

Cheapest May Not be the Best Option

So as you can see, sometimes purchasing a product or service based on the cheapest price will not turn out all that beneficial.

The product may be unsafe or it may break sooner than later — such that you need to junk it, contributing to our landfills, and need to go out and buy a replacement. Or returning it or getting it serviced may be more trouble than it’s worth due to poor customer service.

The service may turn out to be a one-time thing, with little or no recourse if you are unsatisfied.

A lot of times, we don’t think or even consider any of these things — we’re happy to simply buy, buy, buy.

photo credit: *tdl*

Have you ever:

• Shared a joke with friends?
• At a game, gave a high five to a complete stranger next to you after your team has just made a tough score?
• Chatted with a coworker about a TV show at the water cooler?

What do these three actions have in common?

They satisfy a need to belong.

The Instinct to Belong

I’m sure the development of this need harkens back to the days of the caveman — banding together was the prudent way for early man (and woman) to survive encounters with woolly mammoths, saber-toothed tigers and the like (oh, my!) — those who didn’t, did not survive, and so the instinct was passed on.

Today, however, with those dangers extinct, we find other reasons to bond together. In the end, after food and water, and perhaps shelter, that next need is the need to feel a part of a group, whether it’s a life-partner in the form of a husband or wife, or something beyond a simple pairing.

Benefits of a Group

Indeed, there many benefits to being in a group

• Teamwork - working together can overcome many weaknesses
• Social skills - being successful usually means developing social skills
• Respect for others - the best teams usually have members who respect one another
• Support from others and camaraderie within the group - when one member is down, the others can pick him or her up
• Getting things Done fast - such as in an assembly line
• Brainstorming ideas in a meeting
• Strength in numbers
• Specialists are able to be developed or recruited, since other aspects are handled by others in the group, etc.

In fact, achievements such as building the Golden Gate Bridge or Hoover Dam is only possible through the power of a group. The strongest nations, the strongest corporations, are all groups.

Being in The In Crowd

It’s more than a great Ramsey Lewis composition, the “in” crowd is what makes us feel happy when we belong to one, and certainly makes us feel bad when we don’t — whether it’s a discussion on the latest episode of Heroes, or joining the after-work soccer team, the good feeling we get from being part of something is usually ingrained in all of us from the time we’re born, with things like:

• Being held in mommy’s bosom, where it was always warm and safe
• Cuddling with a parent as a toddler
• Playing in small groups in preschool

And then leading on to:

• School clubs
• Spelling bees
• Kick ball teams
• Birthday parties
• Sleepovers
• Music class
• Little league

Then we hear conversations like:

• “Oh, my kid got into the GIFTED program.”
• “My daughter’s teacher is Ms. Smith — teacher of the year.”
• “My son got into Harvard.”
• “My daughter got a full scholarship.”

These are all everyday conversations we might hear, but they all seem to point to one thing.

A Sense of Competition, and OneUpmanship

In our society, we are taught to (try to) thrive on competition. That push to be better than the other guy or gal is oftentimes a great motivator, and many individuals excel. As a person develops their skills, he or she may find him or herself:

• on a team, or even an “elite” team
• in a fraternity or sorority
• in a club
• joining a political party
• becoming part of the workforce, for a company, or starting his or her own
• at a company, become part of a department
• joining a union, and so on.

The Dangers of a Group

As we can see, society inevitably puts us into a group. And while we’ve seen the benefits of being in a group, there are also many dangers. Those dangers also begin early in our lives.

For instance, in school, we get the “bad apples” who are immediately grouped by being sent to detention. “Loners” may be shunned by the rest of the students for being “strange” or “radical”.

At work, sometimes the employees (”us”) versus customers (”them”) will result in poor customer service — ever get the “that’s not my department” line from an employee? Or a certain department (HR or Accounting or middle management) will eliminate members of the “regular” employees.

However, the true dangers come from exploitation of individuals in the name of the group, simply because the need to belong is so strong:

• Gangs - the need to belong is strong enough to entice some young people to join a gang, where terms like “family”, “brother” or “sister” are often used. Actions are executed in the name of the gang — “initiation” rites, such as robbing someone “outside” the family, turf wars, and worse — done to elicit praise from the leader(s), to get that love that is perhaps missing from their own (broken?) homes or parents that are too “busy” or uncaring, or to have a purpose
• Fanatic groups - think of the extreme right, groups led by zealous fanatics who use their charisma to gather a devoted following, oftentimes pitting them against the rest of society or other groups deemed unworthy, promising deliverance for successful execution of their agendas
• Religion - Religion is supposed to based on teachings of their founders (Christ, Buddha, Mohammed, etc.), and these teachings are taught by those who know “the truth” — the religious leaders — and so they form the group at the top, a group that has great power. But, some of these groups inevitably abuse that power and become corrupted. For all the good that is done, there are also great harm done in the name of religion. Think the Spanish Inquisition, the Crusades, and so-called “Holy” wars
• Politics - the “us versus them” card is often played here as well, resulting in impasses on policies at home, questionable campaign contributions that can sway decisions one way or another. Groups can cause civil unrests and other disturbances. Special interests are groups as well, and have sometimes been linked to conflicts and wars abroad. There are many examples today, but easy historical examples include Hitler and the Nazis, the plight of Native Americans, global Colonialism, Yellow Journalism, etc.

Suppression of Individual Thought and Critical Thinking

It’s easy to see how the group can be exploited by its leaders. Through the use of peer pressure, fear (of being cast out, or even losing his or her life), or simply the promise of love, individual thought and critical thinking can easily be suppressed, forgotten, or simply abandoned.

This can lead to the Lemming effect, where individuals simply go along with the group, not really knowing, or caring, in what direction they’re headed — mob think.

But I think a lot has to the do with the ones who lead the groups. Be it a gang, political, religious, corporate, whatever, leaders of groups have great power. And sometimes decisions are made not in the best interest of the group, but rather in the best interest of the leaders (e.g. to preserve their power and status).

Group is Great But One Still Has to Think

In the end, I think it’s important to be aware of the grouping phenomenon/instinct. Unless one is a total hermit, becoming part of a group is inevitable.

One still should practice critical thinking, especially when the direction we’re headed is not ideal, and voice his or her concerns, or simply leave the group.

One still needs to tell the Emperor he has no clothes.

The Group to Which We All Belong

Ultimately, we should remember that, whether we want to or not, from the moment we are born, we already belong to one group.

The human race.